I certainly don’t know if this is true, or the even the consensus of the scientific thought today, but it happens to feel right to me. Not exactly a scientific conclusion but there you go. From, Psychology Today says, A Nation of Wimps:
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In his now-famous studies of how children’s temperaments play out, Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan has shown unequivocally that what creates anxious children is parents hovering and protecting them from stressful experiences. About 20 percent of babies are born with a high-strung temperament. They can be spotted even in the womb; they have fast heartbeats. Their nervous systems are innately programmed to be overexcitable in response to stimulation, constantly sending out false alarms about what is dangerous.
As infants and children this group experiences stress in situations most kids find unthreatening, and they may go through childhood and even adulthood fearful of unfamiliar people and events, withdrawn and shy. At school age they become cautious, quiet and introverted. Left to their own devices they grow up shrinking from social encounters. They lack confidence around others. They’re easily influenced by others. They are sitting ducks for bullies. And they are on the path to depression.
Well for whatever it is worth I think the article is interesting (I am not exactly sure about the introversion part that doesn’t seem to have a strong ring of truth but I do think it is better to experience real failure and overcome it than be too sheltered and without that you don’t learn confidence you just are kept from having to feel discomfort as long as the adults protect you…) even if it is just because it attacks something I find a bit annoying the increasing tendency to act like mistakes are not mistakes, failure to achieve an objective doesn’t matter, kids should not be challenged… I don’t think coddling is a good way to create confident people that function well in the world.
People need to learn that things often don’t work the way you might think or hope, things are not fair, things can hurt you, you can loose things you care about, if you make a decision you have to live with the consequences… It is not that hard to understand these things. Kids might well prefer to just be handed everything they want without an risk or effort on their part. But I believe they will learn how to cope and take pride in actually doing good stuff. Which will work much better than trying to convince them they should take pride in something even they can probably tell is fake, coddling. Of course I don’t have any kids either so my opinions are not only not put into practice by me. Oh well go read the article if you are interested.



